A Man’s Guide to Online Dating

Certainly, we are all aware of online dating. But is it for you?  That depends.

Chris Stakutis   October 2014   CTO & Author   www.concordsoftwareandexecutiveconsulting.com

Written for: http://www.modernmanjack.com/a-mans-guide-to-online-dating/ 

First, keep in mind that there are many online dating sites and they all have slightly different angles and different reputations. Some are what is called “hook up” sites and do not focus much on long term and deep relationships.  Some are very religious-centric, such as http://www.christianmingle.com (Christians) or http://www.jdate.com (Jews), and there are a great many of certain special interests or even race such as http://www.blackpeoplemeet.com/.

I personally use http://www.eharmony.com  and have had great success -- they do a fantastic job at profiling you (through many questions/preferences) and anyone they point you to (or reverse) has always been worth an investigation and conversation. But is this right for you?

In my experience, this depends largely on two factors: Your age and your marital history.  For example, a young 20-something that is still frequenting bars and social gatherings might be better to continue on that route for a while.  Why?  Partly because your candidates are likely also doing the same thing and they are probably not digging into electronic sites for assistance. This changes rather dramatically with age and marital status.

So, for contrast, the typical 40 to 55 year old guy, was married say 15+ years and now divorced, perhaps with a kid-or-two, is a great candidate for online dating. Such people are no longer touring the bar scene and frankly might be misjudged by candidates at such locations. A women of similar age and marital disposition is typically looking for a man that is established career-wise, reasonably successful, and most importantly caring and understanding.  This is why the marital status “divorced” is significant -- both parties can relate the new emotional state and have done some introspection on improving some of their shortcomings.

Online dating has many advantages over the cliche bar or social gathering encounter. At a bar or gathering it is almost seen as rude at this age to chit-chat/flirt with someone -- you appear more like a hunter than a lover. With online dating it is different. First of all, you are “matched” with people that are truly synergistic with you (interests, religion, marital status, children, hobbies, etc). Second, you are provided at first with some very easy electronic ways to communicate (ask certain questions or state certain aspects of yourself). This feels very safe to most people and as you progress you are allowed deeper contact such as email or phone. The rest is up to you, but when you first meet you have at least put all the rigamarole out of the way.

This is such a successful way of meeting quality people that online dating is now greatly moving into both lower age groups and very senior groups such as http://www.ourtime.com . Go for it! Give it a try...you won't be disappointed!

Written for Modern Man Jack by: Chris Stakutis, technologist and author Twitter@Stakutis